Bonds that Bind
by Clonksholic
Summary: he emotional reactions of the BAU team towards Emily's actions in Valhalla, and Emily's towards them. Team friendship. Ch.3 is Morgan. What a loved one says can be deceiving. Sometimes, you let yourself believe it.
1. 1 Garcia

**Title:** Bonds that Bind

**By:** Clonksholic

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters.

**Summary: **The emotional reactions of the BAU team towards Emily's actions in Valhalla, and Emily's towards them. Team friendship. Ch.1 is Garcia. Sometimes when a loved one tells you something, you believe it because you want to, and need to.

**Bonds that Bind**

**Authoress Notes:** One of my primary aims when writing my stories is to allow the audience an insight into how the character is feeling. I find that a story that portrays or embodies strong emotion can really make you feel something, and I've often found myself immersed in fanfiction or novels that can do this. There were so many things going on in the episode of _Valhalla_ between the characters and within the characters' minds (shown by the fantastic acting of the cast), I wanted to put it down on paper while it was still fresh in my mind.

The first few chapters will explore the emotions and reactions of the BAU team towards Emily, their hidden thoughts that we could only anticipate but were never explicitly stated. The second parts of the chapters will be composed of Emily's reaction towards the team member the chapter is dedicated to.

I really hope you enjoy, and it'd be much appreciated if you could read, review, and share with me your thoughts on the story, its content and the episode.

**Chapter 1 **

**Garcia: Superheros in the real world**

It almost seemed poetic, Penelope thought as she watched Emily leave the bathroom before her.

_You always make me smile. I don't think I've ever thanked you for that. _

**Don't say it like that. It makes me want to cry. **

But she wasn't sure why.

What Emily had said seemed to remain within the room, her mind repeating her words over and over again. Her head being able to replay the vision of Emily's face before her, every expression line creased as her idiosyncratic expressions that made her who she was unfolded as she allowed Garcia a part of her heart.

It was almost like a scene from a movie.

Perfect.

Almost too perfect.

And that was what seemed to tug at her heart, a sense of uncertainty despite Emily's reassuring words.

She knew her BAU profiler team was plagued by nightmares. What they saw and dealt with everyday left marks.

Sometimes physical marks, the callouses on their trained fingers and hands; scars on their bodies as each rough tumble and turn with their unsubs on the field left them with wounds that sometimes remains as a permanent reminder of their ordeal.

At times, marks that were invisible, only apparent when they looked upon the next victim she refused to look at directly as it flashed across the screen, face no longer recognizable (or all too recognizable) after having been through the workings of their next unsub's hands; when no emotion registered on their faces; when they closed their minds, or sacrificed another piece of it to lock away what they had seen, and preparing another for what they would see.

The last time Derek had fallen asleep during their movie session in one of the projector rooms after having finished a particularly rough case (she knew it was one when the team came back with a smile that did not reach their eyes and Derek replied in one word answers when asked about the case) she had watched as a scream from the horror movie on the screen had prompted tears to roll down the grown man's chiseled cheeks. The infallible smile, the strengthened body and all signs of weaknesses that had been locked away finally released as sleep took away consciousness and its ability to control.

She had wiped them hastily using a tissue from a tissue box on the coffee table the first time, brushing it away, but when the tears did not stop flowing from his closed eyes, from beneath his dark eyelashes and his lips released a soft, pained moan, her hands holding the tissue had stilled and a heavy weight had settled on her bosom where her heart was. For even with him right beside her, she was unable to penetrate through his dreams, to see what he was seeing, even if she could only anticipate the ongoing nightmare that currently stormed in his vision.

Her hands had then wrapped themselves gently around his shoulders, a hand trailing down to grab his hand and squeeze it tightly; her stomach squeezing uncomfortably when his hand tightened around hers after a louder sob, hoping that his tears would stop, just stop.

Stop.

And it was only when his moans ceased and his grip on her hand had loosened as the nightmare came to a stop, did she finally realise; her cheeks were drenched in her own tears, same as those of the man that she had been comforting in her arms.

In sleep, he was vulnerable.

In sleep, they were vulnerable. It was their kryptonite.

It was almost as if, at the time of their rest, they were left open to the very forces they had protected themselves during the day.

During the day and night, during the time their minds ran with their body, they walked out through those doors trailing invisible capes and their minds on their sleeves as weapons, but not their hearts, as they stored it away to protect it. They were strong, both as a team and an individual, and if this had been a movie the villains would already have been defeated and their coming home finally signaling the end of their battles.

In the real world; her team marched out the next day, night, or early morning, whenever the next call came, telling them that yet again, to put on their capes and direct their minds into the dark abyss once more.

She had seen the fatigue clouding Emily's eyes under the fluorescent lights. She heard the way her voice seemed to fade into a croak whenever she reached the end of some sentences. All that she only remembered after Emily had walked out, her heart letting down its guard and allowing itself to feel comforted at what the woman had said.

Penelope Garcia wasn't sure what it was that was causing this uncertain feeling. Originally, it had seemed to be an emotional reaction; a sense of happiness, nostalgia and a strange sense of longing that were impossible to verbalise, bubbling from the bottom of her stomach and to her mouth, refusing to form into words.

Therefore, she pushed away the thought that, as happy as Emily's words had made her feel, they had sounded like a parting gift, a sad, silent, painful good bye.

.

.

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**Emily: If Only**

She tried to brush her away but she couldn't.

It gets harder and harder each time. And Emily knew this. The closer you get, the more difficult it is. Being within a group of profilers, friends, who were receptive to you behaviour and any changes in them made it even harder.

It wasn't that she didn't trust them. After all this time, she did. And if she could, she would have let them know.

But they weren't involved in this. It wasn't about trust. It was the fact that what was now after her was part of another life she had acted, a character she had played to catch a bad guy.

A part of her life that they were never a part of.

A character that was doing more than biting her on the behind, but she anticipated would cost her her life.

'_Oh my god. Are you preggos?' _

She couldn't help but smile at Penelope's comment, her wide eyes and dropped jaw something she had gotten so used to it had made an imprint in her mind.

If only if it were something that simple.

If only, if only if only.

She meant what she had said to Penelope, standing before her in her purple lips and the mismatched outfit that was uniquely her.

What Penelope had said reminded her of what she was leaving behind, what she could never come back to, what she had once thought she could have, something that symbolized normality.

As she left the bathroom, the tears came not only at the fact that they cared so much, that she cared so much, but that Emily had only managed to verbalise her appreciation for the tech analyst only in the face of her looming predicament.

She hated herself for the fact that only now, as the stability of all that she loved as being threatened, she was findings the words to tell her how big of a part her team mate had unexpectedly played in her life. A part of her life where the small things mattered, where she was reminded that life still did involve the petals and beautiful colours, of a rose, even with its thorns and all.

By believing in the beauty of the world, the good of it all, by leaving that childish quality untainted, Garcia gave to her, and her team, something that they found difficult to regain on their own.

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_**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! **_


	2. 2 Hotch

**Title:** Bonds that Bind

**By:** Clonksholic

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters.

**Summary: **The emotional reactions of the BAU team towards Emily's actions in Valhalla, and Emily's towards them. Team friendship. Ch.2 is Hotch.

**Bonds that Bind**

**Authoress Notes:** One of my primary aims when writing my stories is to allow the audience an insight into how the character is feeling. I find that a story that portrays or embodies strong emotion can really make you feel something, and I've often found myself immersed in fanfiction or novels that can do this. There were so many things going on in the episode of _Valhalla_ between the characters and within the characters' minds (shown by the fantastic acting of the cast), I wanted to put it down on paper while it was still fresh in my mind.

The first few chapters will explore the emotions and reactions of the BAU team towards Emily, their hidden thoughts that we could only anticipate but were never explicitly stated. The second parts of the chapters will be composed of Emily's reaction towards the team member the chapter is dedicated to.

I really hope you enjoy, and it'd be much appreciated if you could read, review, and share with me your thoughts on the story, its content and the episode.

_**THANKS SO MUCH TO ALL THOSE REVIEWED! If anyone has any suggestions or requests in terms of who they'd like a chapter on, please let me know. I've already received one for a Clyde/Emily, which I had not considered writing, so that will also be coming in the future :)**_

**Chapter 2 **

**Hotch: Reciprocating an Inexpendable Existence**

She was in late again, her signature scent gently wafting over as her hair and scarf flicked the moment she sat herself down hastily.

She had never been late, Emily Prentiss _was_ never late. And yet for the past week, she had been the last one out of the office and the first one out.

The stiff expression on her face revealed it to be a mask, but he didn't know what for. The faraway look that overtook her eyes once every now and then as the photos flicked across the screen, looking at something that wasn't there, something that they couldn't see, blocking out the case, blocking out Garcia's words and his knowing gaze, but he didn't know why.

He had finally called her into the office that evening after the team had been dismissed. Emily entered with a half smile that looked stiff to his eyes. He had sat her down and looked at her with the gaze, the gaze under which unsubs faltered and blurted secrets, and under which Strauss's infallible status crumbled, in order to weed out any familiar symptoms of guilt or discomfort that would allow him to start asking questions.

Fidgeting.

Aversion of her gaze all around the room.

Tucking her hair behind her ears.

Anything.

But he found nothing, and wasn't surprised when he was unable to find anything in the trained profiler.

It was Emily who decided to speak first when Hotch remained sitting at his desk with his hands folded on its surface.

'I'm sorry I've been late for the past few weeks, Hotch. There's just been too many things going pear-shaped lately –'

'Is there something I should know about?'

_Tell me the truth._

His gaze is steady as Emily's reply is firey and rapid.

'Did Morgan say something?'

Her tone is sharp, annoyed, frustrated. Yet he also hears something else he doesn't expect.

'Should he have?'

Hope. Relief. But that disappears as quickly and subtly as it had appeared.

She gives a shrug, her gaze averting to her hands that are folded on top of her lap.

She had done it a fraction of a second too late; Hotch caught the spark that had suddenly disappeared from her eyes just before they became obscured by her long black curtain of eyelashes when she realised Morgan hadn't.

It was the unconscious sense of hope you have when you're hiding something big, something you cannot tell anyone, when you want it to be lifted from your shoulders and shared amongst those who know. It's the idea of keeping the secret that pains her, and that's how he knows.

It's not a trust issue.

'I won't be late next time.'

Her voice lacked determination, suddenly sounding uncertain, its tone losing a fraction of its vibrancy.

'You know that's not why I called you in here.'

His words make her fingers instinctively reach for the fingernails in her other hand, but halts as she notices his gaze trailing after them.

'I'll be fine Hotch,' she answers, giving a tired grin. 'There's just been a lot going on this week.'

When she saw that he had not moved and was skeptical of her answer, she tried again.

'It's just an accumulation of small things. It'll be over soon.'

Hotch held her gaze for another minute, watched as the corner of her lip gave a minute twitch, then gave a nod, and reached for a file from the pile of paperwork beside him.

'If you insist.'

He watched her from his peripheral vision as she hesitated at his blunt remark, then slowly rose from her chair in an unsure manner.

Wait until they come to you, his experience dictated, as he wrote meticulously in his neat cursive onto the paper in front of him. He let her off easy, an effect that would make them slip, like the way a child who had anticipated a scolding but did not receive one would feel plagued with guilt.

The door closed quietly, and still he waited, watching the shadows of the female agent's feet which lingered at the bottom edge of his door.

.

.

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**Emily: Plagued**

Fear and pride stopped her from reentering her boss's office, knowing that it was too late to make a natural sounding expression of gratitude the moment his door had clicked shut.

_Next time. _

Just as she turned on her heel, Emily realised;

_There might not be a next time. _

He needed to know.

Her hand reached for his door handle.

_**He might catch on. **_

Her hand froze midway.

Her fingertips were trembling.

'The door's open.'

Hotch's voice called from inside, causing her breath to catch in her throat.

She stood there awkwardly, trying not to flick at her fingernails, unable to take a seat this time. Her feet felt as if it was unable to hold her weight evenly, and she felt as if she was swaying.

But everything in the room, including her boss, who was staring at her silently with a knowing and patient gaze, remained quiet and still.

'Was there something else you needed to tell me?'

'…'

'You hadn't left after closing the door, I assumed you weren't finished.'

'Oh.'

She felt sheepish, self conscious.

Hotch remained patient, his lips pressed together to form his signature strict expression. After the few years of having worked with him, however, Emily knew the strictness did not reach beyond it, but was simply a mask the supervisor wore for the purposes of his profession. At least, that's what his team knew.

God, they _had_ come a long way.

Spending time with someone allowed you to gain sight into their idiosyncrasies, their mind and its workings, no matter how closed a person seemed.

Hotch was one of them.

There was no physical difference in expression from when he was truly angry at one of them, and when he was not, and yet simply from the feeling they received when gazing at him, they had learnt to tell apart his mood.

'I just wanted to thank you.'

Her throat felt dry.

His stance nor gaze did not change, his pen still poised in his hand above the paper. His gaze however, remained intent and focused on her.

She gave a tentative nod, looking down at her hands as she did so, like a child confessing of a wrong doing.

'It's been a hard week for me and –'

She met his gaze, knowing his had not left hers since she had re-entered his room.

'You and everyone else; looking out for me.'

Her gaze faltered once more as a familiar stinging sensation started in the back of her eyes. She held her head up high and continued.

'It means a lot.'

She finished. She attempted to shrug off her comment with a grin but failed halfway as her vision blurred, tears forming pools in her eyes for what seemed to be the fifth time this week. And that wasn't counting the times she had jerked awake in her chair, tears streaming down her cheeks as she found herself searching for the dark haired girl around the room, still disoriented from sleep that still clung to her lids and body.

She swallowed hard, unable to meet Hotch's gaze.

'You're irreplaceable, Prentiss.'

Her eyes closed at his reply.

'And I'd be lying if I said it was only on a professional level. For all of us.'

She finally met Hotch's unwavering gaze.

'I just hope you remember that.'

She gave a hasty half-smile, but did not nod, and turned to walk out.

Hotch's head was planted back into his paperwork when she next turned her head to sneak another glance behind her.

Oh how she would miss this.

Always the first in, and last out.

She remembered the times she had walked out, bundled in her coat and scarf with Morgan and JJ by her side, then glancing back at the still lit office of their supervisor.

It's funny the things you find yourself yearning for, and regret for having taken it for granted once upon some time.

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_**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! **_


	3. 3 Morgan

**Title:** Bonds that Bind

**By:** Clonksholic

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters.

**Summary: **The emotional reactions of the BAU team towards Emily's actions in Valhalla, and Emily's towards them. Team friendship. Ch.3 is Morgan. What a loved one says can be deceiving. Sometimes, you let yourself believe it.

**Bonds that Bind**

**Authoress Notes:**

_**THANKS SO MUCH TO ALL THOSE REVIEWED! If anyone has any suggestions or requests in terms of who they'd like a chapter on, please let me know. **_

_**Upcoming is Clyde/Emily as requested by Nena Cero and JJ/Emily as requested by jjprentiss. **_

_**As a side note – I've received a few questions as to whether or not the chapters should be interpreted as a romantic relation between the characters; it's really up to you. I'm a fan of subtext, but I'm not a huge fan of any of the fan couplings of the CM characters. The chapters were not written with any couple or romance in mind, but were meant to possess a sense of ambiguity, portray closeness, a sense of vulnerability in Prentiss we hardly ever see (especially since it seems understandable given her current storyline, for an infinite number of reasons) and the precious ties that she has forged between herself and her team members.**_

_**I'm also planning to write a sequel for this fic, regarding the team's (including Clyde & JJ) reactions towards the events of 'Lauren'. Please let me know if you'd like to read something like that; I've already got a couple of chapters planned but I'd like to know if people are interested before going ahead with it :)**_

**Chapter 3**

**Morgan: Aiming for miles**

Hyper vigilance.

Derek Morgan was all too familiar with its signs.

He had seen Reid; during the months after his encounter with Tobias, the times Derek had unwittingly snuck up behind the young man, startling him, causing him to search behind the darker man with wide, petrified eyes.

He had watched as his supervisor as the signs of hypervigilance he had exhibited slowly began to diminish with his prolonged hours with his son. With each embrace, each laugh and second spent with his beloved family member he had come so close to losing, Hotch began to believe that perhaps everything had finally come to a momentary stop, that perhaps the sentiment of safety he returned to every night was real.

He was once a victim of it too, unable to let his body relax as his ears were on the look out for every footstep, a soft groan, a sound that would allow him to react to the man who was a hero in everyone else's eyes as he approached him from behind.

That's why he knows what he is looking at the moment he sees her looking behind the rear view mirror as they speak; and everything comes together.

Everything all seems to come together.

Her snarkiness, defensiveness, things that didn't seem like her somehow seem to make sense in light of her hypervigilance that has been persisting for the past week.

It explains the tiredness he sees in her eyes and face as she enters the BAU office late and her fingers that now seem to have yet again become the victims of her old nail picking habit.

It tells him that it's not just a life, family or boyfriend issue they had originally speculated on. He knows that everyone in the team has noticed; but with the amount of time they spend with each other on a daily basis, there is a silent, mutual pact of respect where it acknowledges the other life they have outside the BAU, which has with it its own problems and perks.

He knows it's something big. But doesn't know what.

He pursues the topic several times, but with no avail.

'Because I like you Derek…I'm going to ask you not to do that.'

He holds her gaze through the rear view mirror, frowning slightly, communicating his desperation to her in silence.

'Please.'

The moment she says that he knows he can't drag it out of her. She's not yet ready to tell, if she ever will be.

But after she takes another glance in the side view mirror that day he can no longer stand it; the dam breaks. The virtue of trust he had once been accused of lacking he now sought to gain from Emily Prentiss.

He needed to know.

Not because he's curious. Not because he wants her to trust him, though that is part of the reason.

But because he cares about her and the way she acts is scaring him. More than he wants to admit.

Her silence as he allows her a portion of his heart makes him think she's in doubt.

Then, he finally makes the breakthrough as she replies.

'_I do.' _

And somehow, everything that had seemed wrong and caused him to worry washes away with her single statement.

Because somehow with what she says, that smile that she gives him that causes her eyes to curve up the way it used to, her lashes framing the bridged crescent moon shapes, it makes him believe that everything negative he had thought before was simply an understandable suspicion driven by his desire to protect a beloved team mate.

Every single act he questioned he now questions in the opposite manner – what if everything WAS ok, what if the only thing that was out of ordinary was part of life's pressures rather than something that could jeopardize her.

Maybe it was in his head.

But then.

Later.

Her hands grasping the railing seem pale, the knuckles whitened as her hands tighten their grip at each jerk of her body as she empties the contents of her stomach.

The fear returns again. Because the woman who had walked out with what had looked like tears in her eyes is not the Emily he knows.

She is strong, stead fast, steady, beautiful and focused.

Worry takes a hold of his heart and begins to shake it as her hunched back makes her look vulnerable, weak, something to protect. A maiden in distress, he thinks, before he realizes that she would punish him with a quick punch to his shoulder should he verbalise that thought.

The thought causes him to shake the image of vulnerability away, and he approaches her as a friend, ignoring the conflict that resides in his mind; one of concern and yet one of understanding that comes from knowing Emily as a character who would reject help if she felt it came from pity or made her feel exposed.

Thus his voice is gentle, worry not masked but also containing a tone of reassurance.

Because that's all he can do; as it was with every member of their team.

Be there for her, stay with her during the times that are hardest, and remain beside her.

As he follows her back to the car however, the dread and apprehension that Emily's smile and banter just a few minutes ago had banished now refuse to leave at the scene that feels so terribly normal.

But he ignores it and drives her home as she requested, offering a smile and watching after her as she leaves the car and enters her house. He also knew she wouldn't let him or the others know, for it was Emily, stubbornness was what they hated and loved about her, and it stood here also.

He now doubted the smile she had given him; as profilers with the ability to read people and interrogate their suspects, he knew her acting could be impeccable. He was no longer sure whether her expression had been genuine, showing a moment of peace she had gained from his speech, or an act put to provide him closure.

Yet that's why he stood by her side, waited till she finished and emerged from her house, hoping that his actions would speak louder than words.

Because there are limits to how much you can do for a loved one, especially with them posing as your biggest barrier to reaching them, even if you want to reach miles.

**Emily: A Moment of Normal**

'I do.'

She finally had said, wishing her tone had been more convincing. A brief silence ensued, and she wasn't sure if he had let it go due to her stubbornness or if he actually believed her.

'Profile me again and you'll wish you hadn't.'

She looked at him, gauging his reaction to her statement. Normally she wouldn't have doubted his understanding of it as a joke, but at this point she wasn't sure if she was serious or not either.

His lips curved up into a smile, and she felt herself suddenly relax. She wasn't sure why. The warmth spread through her body and lined her lips into a bright smile that she could not stop. She felt the familiar sensations by her eyes, all over her face as she could not stop the grin, the feeling of joy that suddenly overwhelmed her.

She heard his familiar chuckle as she glanced out the window, content.

She could see Derek's smile linger on his lips in the reflection of her window, hers in front of his, a matching grin on her own lips.

For a moment, everything seemed to have returned to normal.

For a second, it felt as if a happy ending was possible, like a sappy conclusion to a thriller film.

For a second, it felt as if nothing had happened, the past few days had not happened, and Agent Derek Morgan and Agent Emily Prentiss were just on another case, driving down town to interview a family or apprehend a suspect.

Because while the two possible events weren't the happiest, it signaled normality; that it was just another day on the job, her partner, friend, badge, and all.

Yet another glance into the rearview mirror caused her heart to jump, and her gaze did not leave the black car behind them until it swerved off into another road; only the glimpse of the family in the car allowing her to regain her normal breath.

A cold chill that had run down her spine now trailed down to her fingers, and she clenched them to stop them from trembling.

Her left hand reached over to the fingers on her right hand instinctively, searching at the nail bed, regressing back into its old habit.

She glanced at Derek, whose lips were now curved up in an amiable expression of content.

She tried to reject the sense of regret and anger that clawed at her heart, mentally repeating to herself that at the very least, she had made him smile, even if at the end of everything, she would remain as a gargantuan splinter within her friend's heart.

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_**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! **_


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